all will be w e l l :

1 o' clock on a Sunday afternoon : finishing a blog that had been brewing in me for months. I was treating this long, thought out blog as if it was going to be the finest bottle of wine. Then, I deleted it. Erased every last word. Why? It's the p a s t .

I had written out pretty much this blog about my bitterness about being passionate about determining justice not just locally, but worldwide and no one else caring. About how I always seem to be different. About my frustrations as to why I am the way I am.
Until I realized that I simply must embrace the curiosity & passion that I have towards life. I have my whole life to work out these issues.

I can't deny that there are millions of things on my mind right now. & honestly, as everything is changing again. And I have absolutely no idea what is supposed to happen next.

I know that:  all
                             will
                                     be
                                          well.
What DO I know? I know that there is nothing I love more than: going on adventures. spending time with people, investing in them. attempting to teach myself acoustic. 3AM skies. being by myself. being with people who think along the same lines as I do. coffee at any time. capturing a moment in time and feeling like you have actually captured a moment so well that you can feel the emotion in the picture. new beginnings. inspiration. crying. passion. bliss. mountains. grace. Andrea Gibson. insanity. Charles Bukowski.

I know that I have complete freedom to be myself. & even more, I know that people have the freedom to judge me, but what I have that makes that okay? I have the knowledge of knowing that at least I'm doing what makes me happy and at least I'm leading  a life of integrity.


I need a new breath. A new horizon.
& it's coming...
                              oh, it is coming.

“to
solve simple problems: that’s
the most
satisfying thing, it
gives you a chance and it
gives everything else a chance
too.

we were made to accomplish the easy
things
and made to live through the things
hard”

“I’ll embrace dreams again when I can breath again                                                         
                                                        & at that point I won’t be needing them.

It became clear to me that I was fighting a war I couldn’t win…you don’t make it on your own merit;
                         only royalty inherits the Kingdom.
 
& that’s a system good intentions can’t help.
 
Your courage is not good here so don’t try to excel- 

what a sad day when you realize 

nothing

can               

change.                     

The revolution didn’t leave you- it never came.

It’s all a joke:
there are no heroes, just those of us with high hopes
(its just not that simple)

I’m not trying to save it all- 

I 

           just 

                             want 

                                             to 

create                                                                                

a                                                                                                 

        

r i p p l e.                                                                    

Risk Love 2012

What a week! God was surely doing big things. Though, I only got to participate in two events- I knew God was moving through LifePoint all week long! I feel so blessed to be able to be apart of Risk Love 2012 and furthering His kingdom.

"..  and we are homeward bound.

& I... I want this more than life.
To touch something real..
Will help your wounds heal .."

One of the two things I had the opportunity to do was clean up good ol' Northwestern High. My family & I did this last year, and we were so happy to do it again. I took a break from working for a little while though and snapped a few shots and prayed over all the lockers and desks(my personal/little way of risking love.)

I invite you to be praying that God will be moving through Northwestern. & that those students and teachers will be supremely blessed. Also for all the places that Risk Love took our church this week.

Let our movement be permanent and strong.

Let it be evident that God is alive and full of love. & grace. & peace.

Let our freedom through Him be evident in our daily lives.

Let our actions come from an authentic heart.

Let this fire not die out- but grow brighter.

                                                                        & brighter.

                                                                                     & brighter.

Until the whole world is singing- 

Hallelujah.

 * I, Emily McCormick, took all of these photos.

Be blessed.

& I will wait, I will wait for You

Those days that you just simply want to be done. Done with what? School, this town, this heartache. That is, definitely, today.
But I think I'm so tired because I'm trying so hard to move on from the past, trust completely in God and my heart isn't even breaking for my own but it's breaking. It's breaking for the hearts that don't know of the higher and holier God that is yearning for them. It's that there are still  starving people not even around the world, but in  OUR OWN community; the injustice with all the wars in Syria, Libya, Rwanda, Uganda, & so on; the ridiculous quarrels and competition between companies even.

If this is our society now.. what about our society, say 10 years from now? 

(Will it still be countless promises for change?)

The solution though.. is so, so terribly simple.

It's to love. 

It's to live out compassion. 

& our passions God has given us.

To put aside our judgements, our hatred, our pride, our sinful nature and love. Can we do it though? Can we rise to the challenge of rebelling against our own society?

That, friends, is why I am just exhausted and ready to be finished.
Ready to have my degree so I can give people hope & heart to go another day. But to not go another day without Him.
Ready to leave everything behind & get out of the comfort zone of my home.
Ready to stop wondering why in the world I hear so many people, day-to-day, saying how they want to be the change and start living their lives differently but are too distracted by their boyfriends, girlfriends, technology, their school, their social life, cars, money- to act on their words.  Have you ever wondered that?  
Am I really the only one who wants to see a movement? 

Not just change- not just tattooed words on bodies that are hoping for inspirations.

Not just change- not just lyrics in a song saying they are going to be best.

Not just change- not just making famous pieces of art of a child that is starving and hoping maybe somebody will get something out of it.

Not just change- not just saying empty words like "Tomorrow I will do something to make a positive influence not only in God's kingdom but in this world full of broken people."

A. MOVEMENT.
A movement that will change this world forever. A movement that will change lives when you tell people why and who you are getting that verse permanently seared on God's temple for. A movement that will show the emotion in a person's life of poverty, it will show that yes, they are starving but no they do not want your pity, they want authentic care. A movement that won't mean just becoming something great or making more money than those people that put you down once- it will mean that you are going to become a better person yourself and forgive that person and love on them.
A movement that will mean you will stop what you are doing right then and there and do something different to make a positive influence.

People will not remember the words that you have said, but they will, I guarantee they will, remember the things that you have done. They aren't going to remember when you simply said something about volunteering or reading your bible or having authentic worship- they're gonna remember when they see you being Christ's hands and feet.
If you aren't "religious"? It still applies to you. Why? Because you cannot deny that you don't see the poverty of a child who is supposed to be 10 years old but could barely pass for a 3 year old and say your heart isn't moved in a way you cannot ignore. You can still do something. Whether you donate, go there, volunteer- it's up to you.

But please. Let's stop these empty promises.
Act. Create a movement. It's never too late. Right now. Move.

Tired? Yes. Passionate? Definitely. Alone on this? Quite possibly.
Am I giving up? Definitely not.
(I wait for the day that He gives me rest, but I refuse to stop trying even for a minute. 
I may be done with today but He isn't done with us.)

“Then this humanlike figure touched me again 

& gave me strength. 

He said, ‘Don’t be afraid, beloved... 

Peace. 

Everything is going to be all right. 

Take courage. 

Be strong."

It's time to begin again.

It's been decided. I'll be walking across the stage in June 2013
My  2 year plan. 24 months. is being put into 5 short months.. I have this. Or, I hope I do.
& even on days that I think I don't have it, any of it, I'll flaunt it like I do until the end of the day- when I can take my hair down, end up on my knees, praying for help to get over this day, for strength for the next, and hope.

Maybe this is good though...
Deciding to stay away from any kind of relationships.. Focusing on my education.. Getting my license.. Finding a job..
& so on.

As back and forth as I have been lately about everything- I need to rest secure in Him. not him. or her. or you.

in Him.

"let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him;

for He shields them all day long."

I was able to escape to the beach-just overnight for the weekend- and I'm so glad that I did. If you've been reading my blog for awhile: you know that the beach, salt water, sand- it's my outlet. 

I'm coming back home though
& I'm so happy that God is willing to set this heart free once again...
& that He doesn't judge.. and only loves..

All this time I knew I always was able to come back here to this place of redemption and sanity.. & be on my knees, broken and abandoned- but with hope because my God.
well, He never, ever fails. & hasn't left my side since day 1.

remind my soul..

that I am Yours..

I am forever Yours...

Idealistic, Realistic- love.

Growing up I surprisingly enough didn't dream what my wedding would one day look like or what my wedding dress would look like. Or even what the guy would look like whom I would marry.

That hasn't changed much- even to this day.

Instead, I grew up reading the Magic Tree House books and I would dream about going on adventures. Adventures by myself, mainly. But as I grew older I started to understand the want for a companion. My dreams and the way I would ideally think about my life would consist of a tall, strong, intelligent man-whom I felt safe with- we would travel and go on adventures together. Whether they be adventures to Circle  K late at night for Ben & Jerry's or adventures to Moscow to discover their culture. We would go on adventures. 

& we would be madly in love in that way, we would both have a passion for seeing the sparkling greenery of Ireland,
the lights of Japan,  
the amazing stars of the Grand Canyon,

the northern lights..

That's what I've always dreamt of, even to this very day. But most importanly, he would love me. He would love my independent, quiet, wanderlust heart that may be such a mess sometimes and have a huge wall around it... But he would be able to break that down.

Our love would be more beautiful than any wedding I could begin to dream of.

Our lives would be exciting every day.

Our lives would be putting curiosity into action.

Our lives would be spontaneous and passionate.

Above all of this though, we would be happy.
I would make him feel silly, curious, and more loved than he has ever felt.
He would make me feel soft, feminine, and that I was enough for somebody.

My prince charming isn't dressed in a suit and tie, or a jersey, or khakis, or a baseball hat.
He just has a heart for adventure and for me.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1- go.

That's it. Summer is over. 

My high school career continues and my "college career" begins in less than 24 hours.

Ya know, it's weird.. being the one who's getting asked "When do you test for your license?" "Do you have any colleges in mind yet?" "Do you know what you want to do?"

I feel no where near that old. I don't know if it's that being this age isn't all it's cracked up to be? Or I've just been counting down the days so I've been prepared for it.

Nonetheless, I'm ready for my Junior year. For my first term at community college. I have literally been counting down the years.. months.. weeks.. days.. and now it's tomorrow. My countdown is almost up!

I have a feeling these next two years are going to be big. Big things are going to happen. It's going to require a lot of late nights, no sleep, hard work, and balance. Since I had so many things I wanted to do, I thought I would make a list. Even though, you may not care to see them- here are my goals for before I graduate high school:

1. Get my license in January.

2. Get a good job in February.

3. Visit University of Maryland.

4. Pass all of my classes with a B(at the least).

5. Decide my major.

6. Get accepted into University of Maryland.

7. Have my graduation announcement say: "Emily successfully graduated with her AA in ______, she will be furthering her education at the University of Maryland in the Fall."

Start strong, end stronger.

I've gotta say though- I'm going to miss summer nights by the fire, rainy days watching movies, sunny days by the water, traveling, etc. Summer of 2012 has been the best time I've had in awhile. Memories I'll never forget, without a doubt. 

I've learned this summer that the things you do matter a lot more as you get older. My choices, my actions, what I say- it matters. I may be figuring out life slowly and how in the world I'm going to accomplish all of these goals in two years.. but I'm ready for it. 

This is the beginning to the end. 

I'm ready. 

The countdown is up.

5.

4.

3. 

2.

1.

GO.

Inspiration, Hopeful, Awakened

I have a confrence this weekend called "The Gloabal Leadership Summit."

I have high hopes for this to inspire me and to renew my mind a little bit.

Lord,

I don't exactly know what to say to You. It hurts me that I don't know.

But I do know that I haven't put a limit on what You can do for 16 years-

& that isn't starting today.

I pray that You will breathe life into me again. Breathe hope, breathe love.

I'm forever grateful that I serve a God whom loves me, cares for me, and knows how to care for me.

A mere, sinful human being- You choose to care for.

Alleluia. Alleluia. Alleluia.

My soul can't help but sing.

Breaking people down won't build you up.

Everybody gets worn out, right?
Everybody gets emotionally drained, right?
Everybody gets to the breaking point, right?
Everybody has an outlet, right? Wrong.

I've always been that outlet for people, for some reason. It used to be something I struggled with because I would take comments personally-that people were only saying out of sadness or anger. My mom(whom I love so very much, one of my role models in life. Wonderful story, wonderful woman of God.) told me that God just blessed me with a heart that could handle a lot, a loyal heart, and a listening heart. I really am grateful that God blessed me with the heart that He has. But whether it be my sister or a friend- the comments can get to be overwhelming and I can start to take it to heart. Everything they decide to put on me gets to be too much.

& I'm sitting, empty handed, alone-
Wondering what I've done wrong.

Wondering why I am so tired.

Wondering what I need to change.

Wondering what more I could possibly do.

It hurts. 

I'm typically a happy, bubbly person and I do my best to make everyone happy too. If they're in a bad mood, I try to point out the positives or refocus their attention once they are done letting it all out. Apparently, it can be too much though. I understand that and I always have to keep myself and my attitude in check so I don't get misinterpreted as ditzy or rude.

But they don't understand that I don't have an outlet.
I have to suck it up and move on and be happy.

& most importantly, stay strong.

I'd like to say I have the answers.

But for once, I'm still sitting here empty handed.

*iPhone post. I apologize for the quality.*

"The A-Team"

My whole life I have always loved music. It has always spoken to me- or simply just been there for me to get me to stop thinking. Which for me, works out well. :) I listen to ever genre, every band, every era- if you show me a band or artist, I will love it, I'm sure.

I've been into some Ed Sheeran tunes lately. I was recommending him to a friend and later that night he asked me if I have ever read the lyrics to the song and what I thought the song meant. I didn't think about it with this one, it was just a song to listen to for me with a nice acoustic sound to it..

Then, I read the lyrics. I didn't respond to my dear friend because I really wasn't sure what I thought of the lyrics! Half of me was heart-broken because it makes me sad if anyone is feeling this way then half of me was thinking "it's just a song." The majority of artists have inspirations behind their song though, right? It's what makes it easier for us to relate to the song.

I, nonetheless, realized that this song was describing what I hope the world would never come to or at least, the world would love these people.

"White lips, pale face.

Breathing in snowflakes, burnt lungs, sour taste.

Light's gone, day's end, struggling to pay rent-

long nights, strange men.

& they say she's in the class A team, stuck in her daydream-

been this way since 18.

But lately her face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries."

Yet, instead of trying to help and love these girls-or even guys- we are writing songs about them. That is what hurt me, I think. That these are the people that need love. I know that when I was in sin, when I was hurting..

"Hurt people, hurt people." 

I needed love. I needed to be told that I didn't need to be living these ways. Now whether it be lust, love, money, having idols- anything, you turn to those things because you feel like you're missing something, right? Well, it's Jesus. 

"& instantly, we are spotless-

when we were spiritual whores,

'cause when He walked out of the grave:

 He left our sin on the floor"

Now, I'm not saying it is ever easy- even when you do let Him change your life, it. is. difficult. I still struggle with so much, daily, but reminding yourself that Jesus died for me. Not a future me, He died for me today. He died for who I am at this very moment. 

I say we stop writing songs about these hurt people-hurt people being anyone, maybe even myself- and actually loving them.

גאל

independce, graduations, and all things confusing; my life currently

Well, today my sister graduated high school. I can't say I didn't see this coming considering my sister is somebody who is determined, intelligent, and knows what she wants out of life. She's someone who I can always look up to and that I'm grateful for since I don't have consistent people in my life, unfortunately. 

That being said.. I am so very proud of my sister and the person whom she is becoming and I'm proud of what we have made out of our lives; the 'what ifs' are running wild through my head this week.

What if we stayed in Florida? 

Would there be better colleges for me to apply to? Would we be happier? 

Would it be a better area? Would I have more role models? 

The list really does go on and on.

I recently signed up for some college classes so that I could get my AA by the time I graduate. Yep, folks, I'll be 18 years old, in high school, with my AA and diploma. Now, that little, harmless thought didn't hit me until after I signed up for the classes and all was said and done. Everybody kept asking me what I thought about that and that they were so impressed by that and all this stuff. I was confused as to why, I thought "hey, this will be great! I'll be ahead of the game!" But my parents have also taught me that I should always do my best, so I didn't think about it because not a lot of people understand what it's like to try and do this.

So yeah, Emily, you'll be ahead of the game. You're gonna go to college in August. Then August of next year you're gonna apply to colleges to go get your Master's at!

I think what scares me about it is that I feel so young, so. so. young. 

But I'm seeing how life flies by you and one day you wake up and life is different, completely different. Don't get me wrong here, I really cannot wait to go to college so I can be a teacher. Whether it be Special Education I go into or just Elementary Education- I cannot wait! I'm pumped to do it! Knowing the effect that the adults in my life have had on me- though, many aren't in my life anymore- I want to have that effect on kids who want to succeed but don't have the right role models. 

(I want to make a difference in these kids lives because

I believe every single kid deserves the chance to succeed

& feel good about their lives-

regardless of any of their circumstances.)

So, even though I am so excited to see where my crazy life takes me next..at this point, I have a feeling it could be absolutely anywhere..but I want to remember to stay calm. I want to enjoy life best I can and be happy and realize my blessings daily, walk with Him daily and grow everyday.

All the answers I had when I was a child, are now 

really turning into questions as I grow older.

But I'm okay with that. I'm 16 years old, no matter if I'm in college or not, it's okay if I don't have the answers right now. 

"Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong."

how fickle my heart & how woozy my eyes;

Sadly enough, that sums up what the past couple months have been for me. Boy, is that just a slap in the face. 

I wish it didn't, but somehow I got caught in just going through the motions of everyday life- and Christ wasn't part of my daily routine. Even though, I thought He was involved in every area of my life. Though, he wasn't really in any area of my life. simply because, i let the ways of life get in the way. The only result I've gotten is:

feeling so many different emotions- happy not being one of them, yet I choose to act it.

& pure exhaustion- in every which way and form- exhaustion.

My reason for sharing this is that- even though I may not be doing anything majorly bad.. I've realized in His eyes-the only eyes that matter-it is all sin. No matter how high or low it is on the world's scale.. it. is. sin. & I need Him, I need to accept that, once and for all. Putting down my foolish pride and admitting it.

When I had this realization, I thought, well how could I possibly fit it in to my life right now? I barely have time to have any relationships and friendships now let alone sit down and have a relationship with Jesus. It's too much. But.. it's not.. at all. In fact, I remember when I was madly in love with Him and I had the same things going on, I just made sure that I would set time aside for Him, whether it was staying up later or getting up earlier or doing it in the car.. I made sure I gave Him my time. Because even though He doesn't need our time- in fact, we could get out of the way, He doesn't need us- He wants us. He does. He does. He does. 

"..take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees."

Hallelujah. that He doesn't give up on this fickle and tired heart of mine. Hallelujah.

Life won't be slowing down at all, but it's about 

balancing out my time to that I can still take time to know my God.

That's all that matters at the end of the day, right? 

lead me to the Cross

where Your love poured out.
bring me to my knees; Lord, I lay me down.  
rid me of myself- i belong to You.

Realizing how far off track I had gotten simply because I was too busy to sit down and make time for Jesus..was humbling. heart-breaking. and tough-to say at the least.

"The combination of the silty riverbed, 

the gentle current, 

& all the activity going on in one spot made it 

appear that he was slowly sinking."

The beginning of old habits, the pain, the emotions- it all came flooding back. The enemy found that little corner in my heart, and I didn't fight it off. I put it off dealing with it. I thought, "It's midnight, I am so tired, it's been a bad day- I can't do it right now. I just need a break." WHAT AM I SAYING? I didn't need a break from Christ, I needed a break from society. Reality is- I'm never going to escape society or Christ though. Therefore, I have to make a choice as to which one I want to pursue whole-heartedly.

I've had my heart broken, I've had days where I felt the need to skip every meal, I've had days where I, literally, could not get out of bed, I've had nights where I didn't sleep, I've had moments where I am flooded in tears, I've had moments where I am ashamed that I treated my body- no, not my body-His body that He gave to me, temporarily, as I am on this earth.


When things get to be too much and all those things I just listened happen again- though, I try to avoid the littlest of thoughts of them- I am reminded that

there is nothing greater;

 than the love that holds my life.

"The gash in the clouds rippled repeatedly, as a man's heart beats, and each time there was another puff of the warm breeze. As if the sky was breathing upon them. The sky breathed a word into them. With each breath a phrase: 'This is my son. My beloved. I am pleased with him.'"


It's okay to not be okay. I am not perfect. & trying to be everything I can for society? Nah, that's not me.

I choose Christ.

& with the heavens we declare; You are our King

I have been completely overwhelmed in Him lately. I am learning once again that I am a beloved child of the KING. I'm reading a book called "Close Enough to Hear God Breathe" by Greg Paul- this book, from the first chapter, has made my heart turn.

"You are mine. My beloved. My child."

That is a beautiful and tremendous truth. I want to embrace that so much right now. I don't want to just have the zeal. But zeal AND knowledge. The past few weeks just embracing my desperate wanting to just be in Him, in His word, worshiping Him... my heart is on fire!

& now let the earth resound with praise; 

for our Savior God, He reigns!

It's funny though.. I don't have anyone to share my excitement and my passion for Christ currently- I'm literally doing a 360 degree turn in my life and no one is there to quite understand this passion. In fact, people are a little confused about it. People always knew that I was a Christ follower- but only by my Facebook status.
Since a lot of my friends knew about the lustful desires, the sadness-what I call now-the darkness... they think- "Emily? Actually living it out? Changing? No way." Someone, in fact, said "Once a good girl goes bad, she never goes back." For awhile, I believe that horrible lie. I let that sit in me and dwell for awhile. But NO. Just no. It doesn't matter what it is- you can always find your way home again. Always.
& I cannot fathom the thought that I am still sinking in His overflowing ocean of grace.

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Therefore, as I've been trying to dedicate every room, crease, and corner of my heart to Him and to reflect Him.. I've realized I am called to share the beautiful and tremendous truth that has redeemed my soul. I have been praying and tossing and turning about what in the world His plan  is for my life-though, I still don't have it all figured out- right now, it's Africa. It's going there for as long as I can and serving those people. They deserve to be known. For their cry to be answered. & to know Who died to answer their cry. 

Lord, send me. 

If your will is for me to go share to the women of Rwanda or Kenya or Cape Town;

that they are a beloved daughter of the King. 

Or tell your precious children that they are beautiful

& they are loved so tremendously that we cannot wrap our minds around it. 

Or to give support to the families and tell them that

You are watching over them. 

& that if nothing else is good at the end of the day- YOU are good, God! 

So be it. Whatever you want to do with me, Lord. 

Have your way. Have your way. Have your way. 

I'm all forever Yours.

Whatever God has in store for me this year- I could not be more excited for it. Africa is on my heart. It's all for him. I'm finding myself in the midst of You- beyond the music, beyond the noise. Until the time comes- I will declare His name along with the heavens that You are King.

we the redeemed-here us singing;

You are holy! You are holy!

Beauty of the heart

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful.." 

:1 Peter 3:3-5:

 

Now, I must say I'm definitely at fault for being concerned with the way I look. Actually, I used to be overly concerned with my image to points where I wasn't happy. Now it's not a sin to wear make up or to do your hair or anything.. but none of that is what makes you truly beautiful.. or happy. The dictionary definitions of beauty and beautiful are:

Beautiful: having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind; excellent of its kind; wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.

Beauty: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations, a meaningful design or pattern, or something else.

Notice nowhere it says to be wearing things that show off your figure, wearing way too much make up, lots of jewelry or anything. It’s qualities- it’s being kind, it’s being classy, it’s being poised, it's being gentle. I know a lot of the teenage girls-or even adults- are beautiful women. Not just the appearance but their hearts. I know that I used to only care about my appearance, like I've said before- I wanted to be the best.. but in the end I wasn't happy. Miss Hepburn says that happiest girls are the prettiest girls. & I couldn't agree more. When your heart is genuinely happy- there is a beauty that comes with it.

Notice it says in the verse “..the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is so precious to God.” It’s things like that which make you beautiful.

When your life reflects Christ.. this is what makes you beautiful.

Needless to say, do not follow what the world says about being beautiful. It's your heart that makes you beautiful.  

We all know how much I love Audrey Hepburn, so here is one quote that I try and live by:

 

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; 

for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; 

& for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”