lead me to the Cross

where Your love poured out.
bring me to my knees; Lord, I lay me down.  
rid me of myself- i belong to You.

Realizing how far off track I had gotten simply because I was too busy to sit down and make time for Jesus..was humbling. heart-breaking. and tough-to say at the least.

"The combination of the silty riverbed, 

the gentle current, 

& all the activity going on in one spot made it 

appear that he was slowly sinking."

The beginning of old habits, the pain, the emotions- it all came flooding back. The enemy found that little corner in my heart, and I didn't fight it off. I put it off dealing with it. I thought, "It's midnight, I am so tired, it's been a bad day- I can't do it right now. I just need a break." WHAT AM I SAYING? I didn't need a break from Christ, I needed a break from society. Reality is- I'm never going to escape society or Christ though. Therefore, I have to make a choice as to which one I want to pursue whole-heartedly.

I've had my heart broken, I've had days where I felt the need to skip every meal, I've had days where I, literally, could not get out of bed, I've had nights where I didn't sleep, I've had moments where I am flooded in tears, I've had moments where I am ashamed that I treated my body- no, not my body-His body that He gave to me, temporarily, as I am on this earth.


When things get to be too much and all those things I just listened happen again- though, I try to avoid the littlest of thoughts of them- I am reminded that

there is nothing greater;

 than the love that holds my life.

"The gash in the clouds rippled repeatedly, as a man's heart beats, and each time there was another puff of the warm breeze. As if the sky was breathing upon them. The sky breathed a word into them. With each breath a phrase: 'This is my son. My beloved. I am pleased with him.'"


It's okay to not be okay. I am not perfect. & trying to be everything I can for society? Nah, that's not me.

I choose Christ.

& with the heavens we declare; You are our King

I have been completely overwhelmed in Him lately. I am learning once again that I am a beloved child of the KING. I'm reading a book called "Close Enough to Hear God Breathe" by Greg Paul- this book, from the first chapter, has made my heart turn.

"You are mine. My beloved. My child."

That is a beautiful and tremendous truth. I want to embrace that so much right now. I don't want to just have the zeal. But zeal AND knowledge. The past few weeks just embracing my desperate wanting to just be in Him, in His word, worshiping Him... my heart is on fire!

& now let the earth resound with praise; 

for our Savior God, He reigns!

It's funny though.. I don't have anyone to share my excitement and my passion for Christ currently- I'm literally doing a 360 degree turn in my life and no one is there to quite understand this passion. In fact, people are a little confused about it. People always knew that I was a Christ follower- but only by my Facebook status.
Since a lot of my friends knew about the lustful desires, the sadness-what I call now-the darkness... they think- "Emily? Actually living it out? Changing? No way." Someone, in fact, said "Once a good girl goes bad, she never goes back." For awhile, I believe that horrible lie. I let that sit in me and dwell for awhile. But NO. Just no. It doesn't matter what it is- you can always find your way home again. Always.
& I cannot fathom the thought that I am still sinking in His overflowing ocean of grace.

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Therefore, as I've been trying to dedicate every room, crease, and corner of my heart to Him and to reflect Him.. I've realized I am called to share the beautiful and tremendous truth that has redeemed my soul. I have been praying and tossing and turning about what in the world His plan  is for my life-though, I still don't have it all figured out- right now, it's Africa. It's going there for as long as I can and serving those people. They deserve to be known. For their cry to be answered. & to know Who died to answer their cry. 

Lord, send me. 

If your will is for me to go share to the women of Rwanda or Kenya or Cape Town;

that they are a beloved daughter of the King. 

Or tell your precious children that they are beautiful

& they are loved so tremendously that we cannot wrap our minds around it. 

Or to give support to the families and tell them that

You are watching over them. 

& that if nothing else is good at the end of the day- YOU are good, God! 

So be it. Whatever you want to do with me, Lord. 

Have your way. Have your way. Have your way. 

I'm all forever Yours.

Whatever God has in store for me this year- I could not be more excited for it. Africa is on my heart. It's all for him. I'm finding myself in the midst of You- beyond the music, beyond the noise. Until the time comes- I will declare His name along with the heavens that You are King.

we the redeemed-here us singing;

You are holy! You are holy!